so much more than i can give

...that's what God deserves. I wish i could fully fathom Him and His greatness...someday I suppose when I get to heaven. This morning we talked in Sunday School about the physical description of Christ in heaven and how magnificent He is (rev 1). ITS HOW WE SEE HIM...we talked about how if we really STOP AND THINK first who we are really praying to, then our prayers and our actions would be different. I feel like it's totally true. I know a lot of how God wants me to live but I seem to continually have what i am going to call "wake-up moments" where it's like I wake up and realize that i havent been faithful to God in one way or another. I hate waking up and realizing that I have again chosen to reject Him and disobey Him and even more DISAPPOINT Him. :( I guess another important thing I have recently learned was a little over a week ago at paradigm; bruce was preaching about HOW GOD SEES US (Zechariah 3)... when we accept Christ into our hearts and into our lives as our Hope and Love and Merciful Master, then it's the same picture as in this passage where God no longer sees us in dirty rags bc He has ordered the angels to get us a new robe and a clean turban. We are now clothed like royalty, and we are commanded to stop listening to the deceiver when he tries to tell us otherwise. We are NOW WORTHY, but it is ONLY through the grace and mercy that is the blood of JESUS CHRIST!!!!!

This is all easier said than understood and easier understood than lived out...thats my goal. I want to be the woman God created me to be IN HIM! I want to fulfill HIS purposes for me...I know it wont be easy, but imma try my best and lean on Him for strength and guidance. I am going to surround myself with good Godly influences in my life that make me want to seek Him more and cut out the ones who don't. It will be hard enough without having people around that are always trying to pull me down and make choices I know i dont need to be making...kinda bittersweet i guess since i know some of the details which that entails...

on a happier note, to date i have lost 35 pounds since the wedding diet started last january for Lisa's wedding, hopefully 30 more by next January, but hopefully sooner as I am in high gear and determined like nobody's business right now! new jeans on tuesday! :)

gotta go to bed so i can get up early tomorrow morning, im hoping for the feds to be there so i can get all this review crap outta the way, im sick of it!

anyways, goodnight.

finally friday

Yay! It's finally friday!!! I hope that today is a great day...for me and for you! I hope that today I shower tons of love and patience on my kiddos and that time passes quickly so the weekend will be here. I talked to the boy last night and hopefully will get to see him again this weekend. He is busy and also a little hard to read so i guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes. I am freezing again as usual and am leaving for work as soon as Lucky comes in the house...took a shower, blow dried the hair and i may STILL be EARLY for work, it's a friday miracle! :)

Hope it's a good one, prayin for no drama today, im maxed out!

it's my favorite day! :)

Tuesday is my favorite day of the week right now... It's not monday, which always seems to be a plus, and while tuesdays havent been particularly easy the past couple of weeks/month...Amplify is back on and that makes it my favorite week day bc i KNOW that at least the end of the day will be awesome! I am so fortunate to have a God who loves me and never gives up on me, and who loved and continues to love me despite when i may have messed up in the past and despite when i will mess up again in the future. simply put: He just loves me. And today, THAT IS ENOUGH!

I have a lot of reading to do, and most of it is pertaining to my FCS exam that's coming up soon, but I'm hoping that i can study my brains out and do a good job on it...the first time, hopefully the only time. I have about 14 references for the three sections my specialization will cover. And also I am reading the book of Luke right now, that's for some reason my most favorite name and what i have resolved long ago to name my first son...it has been on my mind a lot lately (the name Luke, probably due to the fact that my iphone thinks everytime i type like or love that i really mean Luke...) and so i decided to read it again. I also want to reread a book from Sky Ranch called Lord, I want to Know You by Kay Arthur, but i mean i gotta get the studying done first....

Anyways, as far as the rest of life goes, THANK GOD, the court case is finally over and hopefully I wont have anymore bad dreams about it. I feel like I did my part to get justice for the little girl. The boy, I havent really talked to him much today or yesterday but life happens. I had the kiddos all day yesterday and was pretty busy and today we both had work and he started back to school and according to his FB isnte really having that great of a day. I really didnt either, it wasnt bad, but more like sad and disappointing. I am "ridin solo" again without a co-teacher and it kinda stinks, ok majorly but whatev. I'm gonna smile and be happy and compliant and as nice as i can possibly muster! My family is good, hopefully hay went to the dr again today and will be better soon. Blaine started his new job and loves it, and uncle trevy is good too, and doin his EMT stuff still. Both of their gfs have been hookin up my mom and sis this past weekend as they dealt with some illness and sadness as maxine died. :( My gran is good too, she is a mavs fanatic, and that only makes me love her more! Dog finally started eating again too, YAY!!!

Anyways, enough for now, i gotta go try and scrounge up these 14 texts for as cheap as possible!

WORD ! for tuesday, cant wait for 6:45 to be here, so glad my friends are back!!!

blog-worthy night...

So tonight is a blog-worthy night bc i just spent time with the sweetest guy. He is a total gentleman, and I hope that there are many more dates in our future... I may have to start looking for broken computers everywhere just so i can stalk him at work, haha jk. But anyways, he was nice and friendly and he smells good too! (which for anyone who knows me, IS A BIG DEAL!) he is a man who loves God and has big plans for his future, maybe if i'm lucky they will include me. :)

Anyways, i had a great time tonight.

Cant wait for church tomorrow, im sporting my new robe and clean turban. (zechariah 3:4-5)

rough day, but it's lookin up...

TODAY....was a rough day.

Primary witness testified in court today, a child, who says she was sexually assaulted and i'm supposed to decided if she's actually telling the truth like she says she is or if she is lying like the other attorney says she is...hmmm tough job.

My aunt and I had a heart-to-heart at lunch today that was i think exactly what i needed to hear. Not necessarily what i WANTED to hear, more like what I needed....God is so faithful! He always knows exactly what we need, and He is faithful to us, EVEN and probably MOST IMPORTANTLY even when we are not faithful to Him. What can i say?...nothing but thank you because I am so unworthy. :)

I am going to be more faithful to The Faithful One. I am going to worry less and depend on His wisdom and discernment with a heart of thanksgiving and prayer. I KNOW everything will be ok in the end, but it's just hard for me to walk through the desert when i have no idea how long it will be until i get to the promised land.

And then you know there's this possible new godly guy...we will see where that goes if anywhere, you never know???

haha, joke's on me...

so apparently the joke was on me when i wrote that last post bc my coteacher is jumpin ship on me, my friend who is a good worker is not allowed to replace her in my room like she wants to, and my boss is acting like she has no choice and just cannot figure out why i am mad at her when its totally her choice! its ok though bc im obviously the problem. you see i have, in the past 5 years, been a faithful employee who has worked with 14 other teachers and trained several of them. i hate training people because i hate telling people older than me what to do...which is what is about to happen since the girl theyre about to hire is older than me. luckily for me though, i am able to change me. so if im the problem here then im good bc i can fix that. i've decided to start seriously looking for a new job. I am about to register and study-like-crazy for my FCS test and try to have a teaching job by next august for sure. and possibly in dallas, this could be my chance to go home... im just kinda stressed and mad at my whole work situation now, but its ok bc i will savor every moment i have left with my kiddos until i leave.

and im gonna complain less about jury duty, kinda hope it takes forever NOW!!!!

BLAH...

I really really really LOVE sonny corinthos!!!!

I really really really DO NOT love dressing up everyday!

I really really really DO NOT love having to be quiet all day!

I really really really DO NOT love having to sit still all day!

I really really really MISS my friends and my babies!

I really really really want to go back to work!

I really really really dont want this responsibility!

epic fail!

...jury duty!

i got picked...

oh all the people, I GOT PICKED!!!!

for a case of aggrivated sexual assault of a child...

....are you kidding me!?!?!?!?!?!